Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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