My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dear god my vagina.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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