So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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