I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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