I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
BRING THE BAGELS
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize