I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
