Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
