I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
