I just cut my nipple shaving
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
