I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
