his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
