dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
