woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
