Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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