Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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