You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
