uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
