Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize