pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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