I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
