holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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