i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
