The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
