Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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