If i come over, it means nothing
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
