Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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