Got a toothbrush?
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
