he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
