I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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