i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
