Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
