you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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