The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
