last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
