i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
