I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
