I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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