Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Im part way to drunk.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
