never play flip cup with pint glasses
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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