We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
