...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
