: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
