this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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