Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
