She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
