Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
