nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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