when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
