sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
