is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
