I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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