Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
