Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
