I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
