The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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