this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
