the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
