you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
