Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
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