Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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