I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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