mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
