AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
