He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
