You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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