shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
