Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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